So this is one of those where I decide to blog. I don't know why the fuck I can't stay faithful to this shit but if my blog was a female I'd most def would cheating on her with Youtube. The VMA's are on and Chris Brown seems so fake tonight. Like normally, he'd be running up to accept the award and high five(ing) fans but his pretty ass just walked up there, said some shit (blah blah Team Breezy blah blah directing music video blah) I love Chris Brown don't get me wrong but I just feel like he just have more excitement. Pause, why the fuck are two corny ass actors announcing the Best Hip Hop Video. (Is this fucking posts going to be all about the VMA's?).
Ok so today I didn't get in the house until 4 o'clock this afternoon. I didn't have a problem though because I was with my roommate at the ER. What pissed me off was I'm a big girl trying to get fucking comfortable in this little ass chair. I just got my thigh tattooed last week and the shit was dry and itchy all fucking night. I really wanted to cuss everyone in that motherfucker out but that would've been rude. My boyfriend is coming over later to talk and just keep me company for awhile it's always quiet as shit when my roommate isn't home.
Rashaun keeps wanting to come by and I won't let him. I won't hang out with and I kinda feel bad that I'm blowing him off but then the guilt is overshadowed by pure anger from the last fucking 7 years of my life and I realized he's blown my off for bitches,weed,pussy, and sometimes Chinese food. Snapping back into reality after all this fucking time feels really good but I just feel like until I sit him down and fully explain how bad he's hurt me over the years and I get a genuine apology I REFUSE to be his "bestfriend". I can confide in him about anything and I'll always love him but we can't truly be just friends until we get our feelings out on the table. It won't be emotional, it won't be like :fuck you bitch and one of us leaves the setting, but it will be interesting to actually hear how he feels. He doesn't talk about his feelings much.
Ural and I are close. After that night of all that bullshit we've come to the conclusion that we're going to claim one another as boyfriend and girlfriend. It's not an official relationship but it feels damn good to have someone who genuinely cares about me. I don't know why I felt like I needed Rashaun in my life to love me because in all actuality I think he just loves the thought of me. Ural really means it. He hugs me and I feel safe. I'm not embarrassed to cry in front of him and the greatest feeling in the world is our car rides to Wal-Mart bumping music and just enjoying each others company. I couldn't ask for anyone better.
On a more comical note: I BROKE MY MOTHERFUCKING NAIL !! (I just had to go back and retype that shit like 4 times because motherfucking looked like mortherfcking <-- what the fuck is that?
